8 year old, having difficulty dealing with her empathic abilities…

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My daughter, 8 years old, is having extreme difficulty dealing with her empathic abilities at school during the day. My empathic abilities were largely stifled by my parents and family as a child- I was taught to suppress rather than cope- and I don’t feel I have any more suggestions to offer her (i.e. I’m out of my league). She comes home saying things like “Nathaniel choked Elia at school and it made my throat hurt” and “When the kids get out of control and yell, it makes my whole body hurt”. She wants to bang her head against the wall at times when such occurrences happen and I worry that if she does not find some coping skills and FAST that this will develop into self injurious behavior. She has no other problems in school socializing or following directions, though concentrating does seem to be an issue. She recoils at the thought of us pulling her from school and homeschooling because she genuinely *wants* to be there. We’ve tried teaching her to ground herself and put a protective bubble of light around herself, and this works at home, but not at school with all the input she receives. Crystals? Homeopathy? What helps extremely sensitive children in these situations?

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This is a very interesting situation. Obviously you have a gifted daughter, what advice I might give you, could easily be contrary to what a professional therapist would suggest. One thing for sure, your daughter needs someone who can “see” on her level. Whether or not, you can be that person, in her life, will take time to unfold.

There are two ways to go. 1- encouraging her empathic abilities, in which case you’d end up being a coach. Or 2- teaching her ignore her empathic perceptions, which is what most of us were taught. The deciding factor must of course be her ability to keep focused. Find out which way allows her to do better– as in get better grades in school. I’m not sure which way would be better but if you try both, I’m pretty sure you’ll find one path is clearly more productive.

If that leads away from developing her emapthic abilities now, it’s a small sacrifice for the essential survival skills she is now leaning, know as education. Her empathic abilities will never go away, if she has to ignore it, for the time being, don’t worry. There will be a continual outpouring of other opportunities as she gets older.

For now, you’re going to coach her. I’m sorry. But I don’t think your current tack will be successful. Teaching her to shield herself with a protective bubble of light, or “grounding” herself, my heard by her, as nothing more than confusing rhetoric. Even adults who have dealt with this all their lives don’t have the visualization skill to do this effectively; which would require holding multiple visual images in the minds eye, then manipulating those images to produce the desired effect, and then– continue doing so, until it’s a familiar habit. No. I don’t think she is ready for this.

Try this. Just be honest with her. Tell her, she is seeing and feeling things that other people don’t, because she’s special. And while it may be difficult for her now, thanks to her special abilities, she’s going to be very successful. You don’t need to use those exact works. Say it any way you want. She will grab onto the idea that she is special. Once she believes that, then at least during these empathic occurrences, she will always be aware that not everybody shares her perceptions.

Also, if you have to discuss this with any other adults, it would be better NOT to mention empathy, or even being highly sensitive. As neither are admirable. Put it in your mind that your daughter may have a higher IQ than most children. A concern expressed from that point of view, would be much better received by other adults, and will likely get many more people on her side, which will only reinforce her positive growth.

Maybe a music teacher might be helpful.